The Sky-High Hurdles of a Buffy Reboot

To great woopings of glee and rolling choruses of consternation, it’s been announced that a BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER reboot pilot has been ordered. Sarah Michelle Gellar stars, Chloé Zhao directs, and Nora and Lilla Zukerman write. Don’t worry, Dolly Parton is once again involved.

The pilot will be a continuation of our favorite slayer’s story. Well, second favorite.

Now, as you may or may not know, I’m an Olaf-sized BUFFY (and ANGEL) fan. I watched BUFFY religiously when it came out, it was the first series I owned on DVD back when physical media existed, and I still frequently argue online with fellow dorks about it. I have a Sunnydale pennant hanging over my desk as I type, I’m listening to a “Songs from the Bronze” playlist as I write this, and action figures of Buffy and Angel are staring down at me from a high shelf.

I also wrote an entire young adult book series that is essentially a big sloppy love letter to the show.

Fans are, obviously, all a-titter with questions and concerns! Will other cast members appear? How will it deal with the end of ANGEL? Will we finally get to meet Fresh-Baked Cookie Buffy?

To be honest, I’ve been noodling on the idea of a Buffy reboot for awhile, and this is finally my chance to word-vomit all of my brain-sounds onto a semi-willing populace. Let’s go!

This is where challenge the first kicks in: the likelihood of Buffy’s primary love interests returning seems low.

Challenge #1 – The Angel and Spike Problem

Angel and Spike are the most obvious hurdle: their characters are immortal, unaging vampires. They’re also huge parts of Buffy’s life and the fandom in general. Sadly, neither David Boreanaz nor James Marsters are equally as unaging (though they are still looking fine). The options appear to be:

Make Angel and Spike Human

Not entirely unprecedented or impossible, since it’s built into the story that Angel and/or Spike were fated to shanshu, to live, should they survive the great apocalyptic war between Good and Evil. Angel* and Spike could have very well shanshued in L.A. during the battle with the senior partners, and may be kicking around Cleveland or wherever in aging human bodies.

The downside of this approach is that Angel and Spike are far more interesting as vampires. Making them human robs Angel of his dark gothic emo resonance, and Spike of his bad boy zest. It also makes them fairly weak fighters from an action perspective, when previously they were two of the most fun fighters to watch in the Buffyverse.

It’s also kind of “convenient.” Oh, they’re both human because the actors are human.

David Boreanaz has also expressed a fairly “I’m done with that” vibe toward Angel in the past, and may just not be interested in reprising the role.

*Dork Alert 1: Yes, I know Angel signed away his shanshu, but that’s easy enough to get around. Maybe you can’t sign your destined fate away, that was just a test from Wolfram and Hart to see if he really was committed.

Make Angel and/or Spike CGI Monstrosities

As you can see by my unbiased section header, you could keep Angel and/or Spike as vampires through the dark arts of the de-aging process.

This comes with fairly obvious downsides/impossibilities. One, it’s a cult reboot of a TV show on a TV show budget, and won’t have the money to permanently smooth out a regular or even recurring character. Which leaves our Fangtastic Duo limited to extremely brief cameos.

Second, even with unlimited budget, the tech doesn’t look good. I think I’d personally prefer no Angel/Spike than a pair of blurry paramours.

Recast Angel and/or Spike

No. Don’t do this.

I’m not against recasting in general, but again, it might be better to just leave them out of it than have half-assed version of the characters we love.

Let Them Lie

This is my advice, should the advice of a random indie author make it to the writing crew somehow. Or should he miraculously be hired to work on the show, you know, whatever (please reach out for full publishing resume!).

I think the best thing to do with Angel and Spike is just to leave them out of it. Refer to them vaguely or not at all. One, for all the reasons listed above, two, because Buffy at this point in her life should be pursuing more healthy relationships, and three, because giving any definitive answers as to what happened at the end of ANGEL would damage what is a rare, perfect series finale.

There’s beauty in the ambiguity of ANGEL’s final battle, and perhaps Angel and Spike are best left shrouded in mystery.

Challenge #2 – The Scoobies

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER isn’t just about our Miss Summers, but about the entire cadre of whitehats that defend the Hellmouth. Buffy was literally about the power of friendship, and it was Buffy’s support crew that kept her alive and sane, helping her become the greatest slayer of all time. Buffy is at her strongest when she shares her power and leads from the front.

But more than the important thematic elements of the cast, the beloved Scoobies added a ton of joy, drama, and action to the story. It’s not completely out-of-school to say that many fans’ favorite characters, and their primary drive to watch the show, were in the supporting cast.

The Big Three

The three primary supporting characters are Buffy’s Bestest Buds: Xander, Willow, and Giles. Through a rotating—often dying—cast of characters, Xander, Willow, and Giles alone stayed from the beginning to the very end.

Xander was the snarky-but-sensitive rock, the damaged teenage boy with no powers and a heart the size of Jupiter. The fandom has debated Xander for awhile in ways both interesting and extremely boring, and this writer comes down on the side of “flawed but lovable, like everyone else on the show.” Which, yeah—I don’t know about you, but a show with perfect characters seems pretty goddamn boring to me.

Xander is unlikely to return for a reboot because of the actor’s various and sundry scandals. I don’t want to get too dark in what is supposed to be a fun article, but Nicholas Brendon can be researched easily enough.

The loss of Xander is a huge loss for the vibe of the Scoobies—he’s not just the heart, he’s the comic relief and the token “normal guy” audience surrogate. Honestly, I think a recasting might be in order in this case.

Ryan Reynolds originally tried out for Xander, let’s do that. I’m sure he’s not expensive.

Willow is Buffy’s best gal pal, nerdy computer hacker, and occasionally flay-ey witch friend. Willow’s value to the show has similarly been debated ad nauseum by the fandom. Because it’s impossible to enjoy old television shows without letting everyone know how much you hate everything about them. But again, Willow’s tenderness and barely-held-in-check darkness is a huge part of what makes BUFFY, well, BUFFY.

Alyson Hannigan is sort of a wild card here, I’ll admit. I could see her happily returning, or wanting nothing to do with it. She’s probably the most famous of the original crew, after the AMERICAN PIE movies and HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, and might not feel the need to join back up.

Giles is Buffy’s former librarian, former Watcher, and constant father-figure throughout the series. He brought a ton of dignity and gravitas to what could have easily felt like a very silly show, grounding exposition in real emotion.

Anthony Stewart Head feels unlikely to return, but I’d happily eat crow on this one because he’s a fucking legend and I’d love to see him put on the glasses and the disappointed look again. Even during the original run of BUFFY, Anthony Stewart Head stepped back from the show because of how difficult it was for him to shoot in California while living in England.

Neither of those factors appear to have changed. He’s starred in mostly Britain-based productions ever since.

Challenge #3 – And The Rest

This section will be short: a good chunk of the other supporting characters are dead, because BUFFY and ANGEL didn’t fuck around when it came to offing regulars.

The supporting characters still confirmed alive by the end are: Faith, Dawn, Riley, and Oz. Yeah that’s pretty much it.

You’ve got Kennedy and the Potentials (great band name, terrible characters), and characters like Robin Wood and Andrew sure, but…no thanks.

Faith, the dark slayer, was played by perpetual everyone’s-crush-forever Eliza Dushku. However, she’s since retired from acting and is a therapist helping folks with past trauma.

Dawn, Buffy’s totally real little sister, was a controversial character in the fandom even back when the show aired. Considering how close she and Buffy were, I could see a return happening. Personally I never hated Dawn, though her eardrum-perforating scream wasn’t the most relaxing thing I’ve ever heard. Presumably, as an adult, she’d be past the “get out of my room” phase.

Riley, Buffy’s “G.I. Regular Joe” boyfriend, was similarly controversial. If a Buffy fan has a least favorite character, it’s usually Kennedy, but if they have two, you’ll hear about Riley Finn. While I despised Riley on first watch (you’re not Angel!!), I’ve since come to appreciate his Captain Iowa charms and his voice as the “normal dude” boyfriend. Plus his performance in the “Dracula” episode in season 5 is absolutely hilarious.

Marc Blucas could certainly return, at least for a cameo. Last time we saw him he was Buffy’s “road not traveled,” and him popping up with kids and white picket fence would create some great drama for Buffy. Plus his military connections are useful story fodder.

Oz, Willow’s one-time werewolf boyfriend and perpetually cool bassist, is one of my favorite characters on the show, and Seth Green is still active, though it seems to be voice acting these days. I’m not sure in what capacity he might return, his final plot (and the comics) suggested he’d become a badass zen werewolf monk.

Honestly, if the reboot was just Buffy and Oz and Fresh-Faced New Slayer #12 getting into trouble, I’d probably be okay with it.

Challenge #4 – The Secret Sauce

Let’s be Real World for a second: apart from the amazing cast and superpowers, BUFFY’s real power was in its writing. In many ways, BUFFY provided the template for a generation of genre shows, mixing standalone episodes with story arcs in extremely satisfying and smooth ways (not unlike the satisfying smoothness of smooth peanut butter).

You don’t get Supernatural, modern Doctor Who, Wednesday, Smallville, most of the CW superhero shows, Veronica Mars, The Magicians, Vampire Diaries, Wynonna Earp, Lost Girl, Warrior Nun, iZombie, True Blood, or the incredible and totally-not-shamelessly-plugged DEADGIRL series written by the witty and tall B.C. Johnson without it.

Hell even the creator of Gilmore Girls loved BUFFY and said it influenced her dialogue-writing.

My worries: the modern era of 8-episodes-every-3-years doesn’t fit BUFFY. The show had the perfect balance of Monster-of-the-Week and Big Life-Altering Episodes. The mix let you spend “downtime” with the cast, to create an actual status quo. A quo that could then be shattered in delightfully painful ways.

The tone of BUFFY is tricky as well. Not funny enough, and you get melodrama. Too funny, and you get the Marvel-quip backlash. And of course, there’s the camp. Buffy was never not camp, but properly wielding just the right amount of camp is like swinging a poisonous snake around a child’s birthday party. Yeah, it’s exciting and memorable, but one false step and we’re all gonna need attorneys.

The “Whedonesque” dialogue is incredibly temperamental, too. When it’s written and directed well in tandem, you get FIREFLY. When it’s not, you get “Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning?”

Not sure what the solution is, here, other than “good luck.”

If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me

Recapturing this particular lightning in this particular bottle seems like a couple dozen jobs of work. And a RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK-sized warehouse full of good fortune.

One final request: we know there’s gonna be a new young slayer, and I’m excited to meet her. But please, please, for the love of Wesley’s Hamburger Loa, DON’T make Buffy the sad, curmudgeonly, failed hero to prop up the new character.

Buffy can and should have problems, but she should still be fighting the fight. Buffy’s our hero, and she saved the world. A lot.