I got excited about video editing software. Oh, and video games. And birds.
Author Archives: B.C. Johnson
BC Johnson Reviews Bioshock Infinite, Acts Like Crazy Person
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bioshock, bioshock infinite, birds, hands, video game, video game review
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12 Months of Books: A Summation
BC Johnson – With the year ticking down to its final explosive finale (you know, with champagne) I thought I’d take a look back at the books I’ve read this year. And, with the aid of Amazon, Goodreads, and my Kindle, it actually makes it a little easier to figure out just how many books I read this year, and the order in which I read them. Looking back, this 2013 was kind of a slow year for me, book wise – I averaged about 1 book permonth. Consider my New Years resolution to read at least twice that amount next year. Books!
Categories: Books
Tags: austin grossman, carter beats the devil, cyberpunk, dance with dragons, daughter of smoke and bone, dresden files, george r r martin, glendon swarthout, lady in the lake, living dead girl, neil gaiman, neuromancer, ocean at the end of the lane, raymond chandler, soon i will be invincible, stephen king, the shining, the shootist, white night, william gibson
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Copywriter Blues
Fiction writing is great. Sometimes it’s hard work, and sometimes the internet shoots its destract-y tentacles right into your eyegaps, and sometimes a bad review slides down the Google chute and into your testicles, but overall it’s a wonderful experience. Novels, short stories, the occasional screenplay or hilarious sex-related haiku.
Copywriting is . . . less great. It’s essentially lies and flim-flam wearing an evening gown. But they give you money for it, and you can use that money to purchase foodstuffs and roofs and the like.
The following excerpt is every piece of copywriting I’ve ever done, boiled down to one digestible scrap of text. It comes from a place of genuine pain, which is always funny. Enjoy.
Categories: Diary
Tags: copywriting, haiku, sealife cameras digestible but insightful
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Sometimes Everything Goes to Hell, and You Have to Create
Every musician on Earth knows it – being eviscerated is the best song-writing fuel there is. Nothing makes you pour your heart into art like having it ripped out of your body and pureed. Fortunately for all of us not on the receiving end of said pain, we get to enjoy the badass art that’s birthed by human agony. Scottish sorcerer (and occasional writer) Grant Morrison wrote “All Star Superman” because his dad had just died. Edgar Allen Poe’s entire body of work cataloged the agony of losing the one you love at an early age. Sylvia Plath’s “The Bell Jar” is essentially a novel-length suicide note.
There’s a catharsis factor to creating art (a book, a movie, or a pornographic comic about Alice in Wonderland coughAlanMoorecough). The world weary artist gets to scream into the void all their fears and frustrations. They get to pour alcohol on their wounds in full view of the public. They get to suck the poison out of the snakebite that is their life. Plus, you know, sometimes they get paid for it and that’s nice.
This list could go on infinitely, but here are four classic movies that we only got to see because someone’s life exploded, and they decided to point a camera at it.
Categories: Movies
Tags: anne rice, interview with the vampire, martin scorsese, movies, raging bull, robert deniro
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When Should I Wear a T-Shirt
I have some helpful advice to share with my gender!
Seriously. I don’t care how hot it is. I don’t care if you’re jogging. The tanktop was invented for a reason. They come in 8-packs for like 5 dollars at WalMart. We wear shirts now, guys. Yes, even when you’re driving and your air conditioner doesn’t work. Yes, even if you’re crazy in shape. Especially if you’re not.
Categories: Comic
Tags: men with no shirts, seriously put on a shirt, shirtless, shirts, when to wear shirts
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Deadgirl Deleted Chapter – Puck, Revisited
So, Deadgirl, my first novel, was originally an extremely long book. Which is a funny thing to say, because it’s already a significant novel in it’s current state.
Every book need to be cut, and for my books, that rule applies double. Or triple. My windbaggery is well documented. I do go on. It’s been said.
In the original version of Deadgirl, there was a chapter that outlined Puck’s pre-death life, a mini-biography sitting right smack dab in the middle of a young adult adventure. Ultimately it didn’t fit the tone, and it forced the reader to take a break from the action (just before the climax, no less) to hear the tale of a side character who had no bearing on the action in the third act.
Though I love Puck, and he remains one of my favorite characters from the book, the chapter had to go. And like all deleted scenes, I really believe it’s best deleted.
Still, the chapter exists, and after a little polish, I’m HAPPY to provide it for readers who wanted to know more about the gangly old man with the crimson scarf.
Check the story out at Wattpad, right here, if that sounds like something you’d be into.
Mondayed
So you ever get, like, Mondayed?
I’m not doing an “Office Space” bit. I’d just like to put that out there.
Ironically, I actually got Mondayed yesterday, which is technically “Sunday Night,” if you’re still on the CLEARLY OBSOLETE Grigorian calendar. Which, I am. At least. Anyway.
I received a pair of shitty news briefs, neither of which I’m at super liberty to talk about in a semi-public, officially, forum-y capacity. Needless to say, they both blew donkey parts. One was personal in nature, and one was business, but they were both on the level of “pounding in nails with my chin.”
So, naturally, being a highly emotional artist type, I stayed in bed until my dog had to pee so bad her eyes were turning yellow. She was jumping on top of me in the bed, sticking her tongue so far into my ear she technically absorbed parts of brain (Kindergarten, mostly, it’s fine), and generally broadcasting a message like “DEAR SWEET PEOPLE-LORD WALK ME OR I WILL HOSE ON YOUR FACE.”
My Monday was bad enough, I did not need to be doggy-peed on. I could maybe handle that on a Thursday, but I would have lost my mind and made a tiny, fluffy white coat out of my dog on that particular Monday.
I managed to get work done and to start solving the problems still-birthed into my lap Sunday night, so it wasn’t a total cry-baby loss. Still, I’m pretty sure we don’t REALLY need Mondays, right?
I mean, if we all agreed on three-day weekends, I think we’d be a much happier nation of people. Two days has never been enough. I mean, think about it. You need one day to get the shit done you couldn’t during the week (mowing, bank, groceries, katana sharpening, Home Depot). And, you need one day to do social stuff you’ve been neglecting (visit the family, drink to excess with your friends, katana practice, social obligations, etc).
However, you ALSO need one day to unwind and actually relax. A “you” day, if you will. Now we cram all three of these things into two days, but that is the most bully of shit.
So, here’s a simple preposition: “at.”
Ha. Sorry. Grammar humor, couldn’t resist.
So, simple proposition: We change Monday to “Funday” (notice how we only have to change two letters – this is economical), make it a day off where you can’t be obligated to do anything, and then we move on with our new FANTASTIC LIVES.
My campaign for President begins 2016. You’re welcome.
Bloodthirsty Gamer vs. Ignorance: An Open Letter
Update:
On his Twitter, Senator Yee backpedaled so furiously he actually reversed time. When he was back in time, he stepped on a butterfly, which altered the timeline and actually ensured he was still a douchebag. He’s his own time-travel douchebag father!
Said Yee:
“Gamers, I admittedly didn’t use best words to SFchron. Meant video game industry has inherent conflict of interest in the gun violence debate. I have a lot of respect for many gamers. Many are on my staff and in my family—but the industry has profited at the expense of children.”
So, not really an apology. He’s still under the opinion that people directly affected by legislation have no say in said legislation, but he’s just shifted his mouthwords so he’s talking about companies instead of people. He’s still essentially a fascist, but at least he’s a fascist to someone else, right?
So he made a point to distance himself from the shitty things he said about 2/3 of the populace of the US, but not from his still, actually quite stupid, opinion. Considering my letter below was reminding him why calling gamers bloodthirsty lunatics might have poor political and electoral consequences, I’m going to take credit for at least the shift in blame. It’s a small step, but it’s a step. I’ll be more clear next time that censorship is wrong for everybody.
Granted, thousands probably filled his inbox with similar sentiments of bloodthirsty aggression (as is our purview), but I’m still saying it was me.
You’re welcome, planet Earth. Anyway, continue on to hear the smarmy crap I whipped his way last week.
Original Article
I am twenty-seven years old. I am a professional author. I am also a gamer.
Today, I took a break from eating babies and burning down society to send a letter to a Senator. I figured if I could keep my bloodstained fingers away from a shrieking throat for a few minutes longer (resist, Bobby, resiiiiiissssst) I thought I’d share that letter with you today.
But first, some back story.
On Tuesday, State Senator Leland Yee from San Francisco found himself being interviewed by the San Francisco Chronicle, about a violent video game bill he drafted awhile back. The bill was summarily struck down as unconstitutional, and actually ended up paving the way for games being legally defined as art / free expression. So, Senator Yee is no stranger to petard-hoisting.
He must have had a really good time with it, because he’s back again, greasing up his shoe to see just how far he can put it down his own throat this time. Sometimes, guys, you have to mix a metaphor. Just go with it.
Anyway, he’s back at it again, determined to rescue you from your Constitutional rights. When asked in the interview about his current crusade, he dropped this little bon mot:
I was going to continue being snarky, but I figure that’s all the back story you’ll need. If you care to contact the good state senator yourself, go here.
I feel like I had something to say about credibility. Here’s the letter I sent to Yee a few hours ago:
An Open Letter
Senator Yee,
I recently read your interview with the San Francisco Chronicle, and your words on the violent video game law you drafted.
I just wanted to inform you of why telling video-game players to “quiet down” is a remarkably inappropriate thing to say. Would you ask movie goers to “quiet down” about movie censorship legislation? Would you ask book readers to “quiet down” about book censorship? I’m just curious how the very people who are the most knowledgeable and also the most affected by a law should have no say in the matter.
I’d like to present some information you may find useful for the future, and certainly for any potential upcoming elections.
There are over 211 million gamers currently in the United States. I may remind you, there are only a little over 300 million people in the entire country.
The average gamer’s age is 37 (53% of the gaming population being from 18-49). The next largest group is 29%, who are over 50 years of age. The smallest group (what we might call “non-voters,” for example) is the 18% of gamers under 18.
If you consider yourself a proponent of women, I submit the following interesting demographics:
42% of gamers are female. In fact, women over the age of 18 (what we might call “voters,” for example) make up a larger segment of the gaming population at 37%, OVER the segment of boys under the age of 18, who only make up a scant 13% of the gaming market.
I point all this out to let you know that these gamers who have “no credibility” and should “quiet down” are nearly 65% of the entire voting population. These people hold jobs, raise children, and are productive members of society. These are the gamers you are telling to shut up.
These are the voters.
Your ideas are old-fashioned and out of sync with reality. Reality is going to catch up with you, and you may find yourself without a Senate seat to warm.
Some friendly advice,
Bobby Johnson
Age 27
Professional Author
Gamer
Sources
Some of the above stats are from the NPD Group’s recent Video Game study, available here: https://www.npd.com/wps/portal/npd/us/home/
Other stats are from the ESA’s 2011 Report, available here: http://www.theesa.com/facts/pdfs/ESA_EF_2011.pdf
Categories: Diary
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Interview with Laury Falter, Author of the Guardian Series
I had the honor of sharing a booth at the Orange County Children’s Book Festival with today’s guest Laury Falter, and she graciously agreed to be interviewed/interrogated by yours truly.
Laury Falter is the best-selling author of the Guardian Trilogy and its spin-off, the Residue Series. She lives in Las Vegas with her two stray dogs, Annie and Charlie, along with her husband and a pair of sadly unused hiking boots.
Onward, to Questions!
B.C. Johnson: Why do you write Young Adult?
Laury Falter: You know, I never actually write for a specific genre. It just so happens that the worlds I create, the characters I find most fascinating, and the challenges they face start in high school. Those are what appeal to me, so that’s what I write.
BC: What was your easiest book to write?
Laury Falter: My first book, Fallen. I literally finished it in a month and a half. It poured from my soul like melted butter, I think, because of its background. The story was inspired by Joyce Durham, my good friend’s mother, who passed on from cancer. When she passed, I saw the grief the Durhams endured and wished there was someone who could visit Joyce in the afterlife and carry a message back to the family. That was how Maggie, the heroine, was born. I gave her a Harley Davidson to ride, a strong personality, a man who had loved her for many lifetimes, and, hence, the character was born. The story literally came from her from that point on.
BC: What does a typical writing day look like for you?
Laury Falter: I’m a thinker, and then a doer. That is to say I think, conjure, plan before I type a single word. So I don’t write every day. But, boy, do I think about it…in the car, cooking breakfast, walking my dogs (which is actually my most productive time to plot), blow-drying my hair. I am literally thinking either in the back or the forefront of my mind every moment of the day about what to put in the book. Then, once I’m in front of my computer, the words simply flow. At that point, three hours of writing feels like twenty minutes.
BC: What are you reading right now?
Laury Falter: Oh, World War Z. And I love it! Anything with zombies is mesmerizing to me (which is why I’ll be writing a zombie series very shortly here), but this book specifically captivates me. It’s well plotted, the characters are well defined, I’ve cried on several occasions throughout it. It isn’t romance, and it’s not even in the young adult category, but I cannot put it down. Highly recommend if you like zombies!
BC: Do you prefer e-book or paperback?
Laury Falter: E-book all the way. I can download most any book the instant I want it (yes, I can be impatient); they are often less expensive than printed versions; and the pages don’t flop back while you’re trying to read. I might be a little biased, though, because I sell far more e-books than paperback. 🙂
BC: What are your three favorite words? Three least favorite?
Laury Falter: Favorite three words: I brought chocolate (substitute that last word with wine and you have a very close runner up). I have kissed people for speaking those words to me.
Least favorite three words: Neglect, cruelty, slaughter. The world would be a better place if we had no idea what those words meant.
BC: If an asteroid was going to hit Earth in one week, how would you spend your last seven days?
Laury Falter: My first instinct would be to buy plane tickets for me, family, and friends (boy, the credit card companies would just love that) and fly us over the pond to tour Europe for seven days. But, once my sanity returned, I’d decide to take every last second spending quiet moments with the ones I love, making our favorite meals, and reminiscing about the good times we’ve had together. I’m sure wine and chocolate would be in abundance at those meals.
BC: What project are you working on right now? Can you give any details?
Laury Falter: Currently, I’m finishing up the last book of my most recent series, the Residue Series. It has been heartwrenching to write about what happens to our hero, taking my breath away at times. He goes through so much to save the heroine, Jocelyn, the one he loves. Love like his should be in abundance. I will be so excited to release this book.
BC: What’s in the future for the Guardian Trilogy?
Laury Falter: Well, a Hollywood studio is currently working on making the books into movies, which would be fantastic! In the meantime, I will be writing a spinoff to the series, another young adult paranormal romance. Maggie and Eran, our two fated lovers in the series, will have a child who then grows up and falls in love with a very unlikely hero, one who Maggie and Eran would give their lives to keep her from seeing. He’s a bad boy with a dangerous past, but with a good heart…the most sexy kind of hero.
BC: Thanks for stopping by, Laury, and good luck with the movie!
Check out the first book of the Guardian Trilogy, the Best-Selling Fallen:
“Maggie is unaware of the terrifying fate that awaits her. It isn’t until she lands in New Orleans for a full year at a private high school and her unknown enemies find her does she realize that her life is in danger.
As a mystifying stranger repeatedly intervenes and blocks the attempts on her life, she begins to learn that there is more to him than his need to protect her and that he may be the key to understanding why her enemies have just now arrived.“
Find the rest of Laury’s novels here.
Follow her twitter and facebook, because of all the awesome. You can also visit her blog for up-to-date news on the Guardian Trilogy and the new Residue series, and catch an interview of me by her.
Do it. Now. I’ll wait.
Kidding.
I’m not kidding.
Categories: Author Interview
Tags: fallen, guardian trilogy, interview, laury falter, residue, residue series
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Coffin Hop 2012
*UPDATE*
Congratulations to Sabrina and Kim, who each won a copy! And thanks to everyone for stopping by!
**
Happy Halloween! My most favorite of holidays doth approach. The reason it’s my favorite? For one, I have a long childhood history of setting up haunted mazes in my parents’ front yard and scaring the hairgel out of teenagers. For two (what?!) it feels like a more honest celebration of human nature than, say, Christmas.
Christmas is all “good will towards man” and “being nice” or what have you. Halloween shows the ugly nature of man, in the form of corpses and death and candy corn. However, Halloween also celebrates man’s good heart – I mean, what other holiday are you more generous to random strangers? The passing-out of candy is a beautiful thing, even if it does contribute slightly to childhood obesity . . . the most spooooooky of Halloween’s frights!
Anywho, I’m part of Coffin Hop! Follow me and over a hundred authors through the interwebs. The best part? All of them are offering free prizes! Think of them as free candies given door-to-door. So start tricking or treating already and click on the skull!
DEADGIRL GIVEAWAY! (Ends Oct 31)
As part of the festivities, I’m giving away two e-book copies of DEADGIRL, for your e-reader of choice! That’s available to all residents of the Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies. So that’s cool!
To enter, toss in a comment below!
Also, you get extra “entries” if you like my facebook page, Deadgirl’s facebook page, or follow me on twitter. Let me know in the comments below, and you get another entry. You’re putting your name in more than once – like Hunger Games, but without the child slaughter.
Well. Maybe without the child slaughter. We’ll play it by ear.
HORROR
If you came for some horror, there are a few decently spooky ones in my short story archive. Check out “On Jupiter and Mars” for zombie horror, “Extra-Credit” for something more Goosebumps-y, and Dollhoused for those who like a little fantasy chocolate in their horror peanut butter.
Or, if you don’t want to bother with all that giveaway nonsense you can pick up DEADGIRL right now for $3.99. Meet Lucy Day, the girl too damn stubborn to die. Get it on Nook or Kindle.
Categories: blog hop, giveaway, halloween
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Deadgirl
Meet the girl who just won't die . . .
Deadgirl: Ghostlight
All the world's a stage
Deadgirl: Goneward
On the road again...
Deadgirl: Daybreak
We all go a little mad sometimes
Deadgirl: Gravedust
This is the end, my friend
B.C. Johnson 