Featured image by Natali Hall
Inspired by director/writer/super-creator Mike Flanagan’s upcoming Netflix series The Fall of the House of Usher and my own abiding love for the Dark Tower series, today I’m going to dreamcast an imaginary Dark Tower series with his crew of usual suspects.
Why? Because no one is strong enough to stop me. And it’s fun, I guess.
Here we go. See this, and see it well.
Roland Deschain – Thomas Jane
Roland Deschain, son of Steven of the line of Eld, is our gunslinger protagonist. A knight-errant mixed with a cowboy, Roland is on a quest to find and climb the mysterious Dark Tower. Roland is an enigmatic “hero,” a picture of duality: a stoic killer with a romantic heart. An honor-bound ambassador knight in a world gone to endless deserts and scavenger mutants.
Roland is described as “long, tall, and ugly,” with “bombardier’s eyes” and the weight of ages on his lined face.
No one would call Thomas Jane “ugly,” but he’s certainly got the rough-hewn, sorrowful masculinity required. He’s also great with action, and a nuanced performer.
Previously Flanaganned in: Mike Flanagan’s Before I Wake.
Walter O’Dim – Henry Thomas
Walter O’Dim (Many Other Names) is a tricksy, cruel, immortal magician with his fingers in every evil pie ever baked by Stephen King. An ongoing antagonist, Walter is prancing maliciousness made flesh, a constant thorn in the side of Roland and Roland’s family since, well, forever.
Henry Thomas is a perennial collaborator of Mike Flanagan and a fantastic actor. If you’re not sure if he can pull of the more malicious side of Walter, check out his brief but extremely memorable appearance in Doctor Sleep.
Previously Flanaganned in: Literally every Mike Flanagan project
Jake Chambers – Benjamin Evan Ainsworth
Jake is our archetypal boy sidekick on the quest for the tower, a surprisingly cynical kid with a gift for “the Touch” and an endless supply of loyalty.
Previously Flanaganned in: Benjamin Evan Ainsworth appeared in The Haunting of Bly Manor, where he turned in a dramatic, mature, and captivating performance.
Eddie Dean – Rahul Kohli
The wise-cracking heroin addict with the silver tongue and the heart of gold, I give you Eddie Dean. Probably my favorite Dark Tower character, Eddie is fascinating, fun, and infinitely lovable even in the most tragic circumstances. He also gets in a naked gunfight.
Rahul Kohli is my latest mancrush, and if you’ve seen his Twitter then you’d realize he basically IS Eddie Dean (without the horse habit, probably). Dude is charming as hell with an acerbic edginess that captures that Eddie-style “fuck you I’m walkin’ here” tone.
Imagine him delivering this Eddie line, and you’ll get it: “Oh Christ, I left my world to watch a kid put shoes on a fucked-up weasel. Shoot me Roland, before I breed.”
Previously Flanaganned in: The Haunting of Bly Manor, Midnight Mass, and The Midnight Club.
Susannah/Odetta/Detta – T’Nia Miller
Susannah is our divided Lady of Shadows, a woman with a keen mind, fast hands, and the ability to call out everyone’s bullshit but her own. By far one of the most interesting characters in the series, Susannah is in fact multiple characters in the series. It makes more sense in context.
Previously Flanaganned in: T’Nia Miller’s heart-rending performance in The Haunting of Bly Manor makes her a no-brainer sell for Susannah’s complex acting requirements. Plus this would reunite her with another Haunting of Bly Manor actor, which would create extremely agreeable symmetry for fans. And that is all I can say without spoilers for, well, both properties.
Supporting Characters Next Week
The Dark Tower is a 7 (8ish) book series with a couple hundred characters sprinkled throughout. However, after clinching our main group up above, I’m going to return next week to play-pretend on some of the other notable figures we’re sure to encounter should Flanagan gets his Flanahands on the Dark Tower series.
And until next time, long days and pleasant nights!
B.C. Johnson 
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THIS IS AWESOME